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Joke of the Day

"Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile"

"My roommate is a chemistry major, and plays the organ.. One could say that he's an organic chemist."

"A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours."

"Why did the podiatrist want to change careers? Because he always felt defeat."

"How To Ride An Escalator: -Step 1 -Now Just Chill for a Bit"

"I saw a kid getting bullied by 4 people, so I decided to help out. He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us."

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep."

"If two vegetarians are fighting... Is it still considered ""beef""?"

"Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application. Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay? Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it? Last Names"