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Joke of the Day

"What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world? Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too."

"When the first jackhammer was invented... ...it was a groundbreaking innovation!"

"My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats."

"Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought ""oh shit, I'm having a heart attack,"" but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A RIP OFF!!!"

"What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use? Polaroids"

"If Anakin lost a limb in II and Luke lost a limb in V, then in VIII Rey WILL NOT lose a limb, because she already lost a Han."

"I'm glad Alfred Hitchcock never made a porno because it would be really weird when he made his cameo."

"Has a conversation in my head - Cackles with mirth"

"Dear Ad Agencies, Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. On behalf of dog owners everywhere, Thanks!"