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Joke of the Day

"Dear Ad Agencies, Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. On behalf of dog owners everywhere, Thanks!"

"What did the Queen fans say at the stoning? We will We will Rock you!"

"I wanted to smoke a joint at the Mexican border... I wonder why everyone ran away when I asked for papers"

"So my buddy thought it'd be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead... Boy, was his face read."

"Autocorrect just changed ""Selfies"" to ""Selfless"" so I just took a picture without me in it."

"[stop light] It will turn green in 5 4 3 2 1.. And Now It Will Turn Greeeeeeeen *turns green* Ah yes nailed it."

"If your name is Willis then you automatically have no idea what the fuck you're talkin bout."

"I told a newcomer in prison that the other inmates were heavily interested in astronomy. When asked what I meant, I said, ""They are particularly interested in Uranus, so you don't want to moon them."""

"Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like 'Stabbyrabbit' or 'Weaponrat'"

"I saw a billboard that said ""Watch out for motorcycles. Thousands dead every day!"" Beware the motorcycle menace."