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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad there isn't a pop quiz every time I claim to have read something."

"ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it"

"I just did one of those ""what noun are you"" quizzes... and I got ""pedantic"", which is an adjective."

"So I was talking to this dolphin the other day. It was so gnar"

"My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on."

"A man walks into a bar... ... he says ""ouch!"""

"A) I don't care who is stalking my twitter B) I don't care who is saying terrible things about me C) I don't care - OH! Free iPad??? *click*"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He needed a pencil to work it out."

"How do you make a ghoul float? 1 cup of root beer, 2 scoops of ghoul."

"I was an atheist Until I found out I was a sex god."