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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex."

"Why did Waldo go to therapy? ..to find himself."

"What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls? Sparky."

"Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink."

"My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home."

"The definition of agony is... A one handed man hanging on to a cliff for his dear life with itchy balls."

"INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"

"What is a Jew's favorite Mexican food? Carne Masada"

"Way to bring me down, security questions. Dad's birthday? First pet? What's next? Gonna ask about Marco Black rejecting me in 2nd grade?"

"[Batman's parents return after 40 years] Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?"