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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"

"Burnt ma Hawaiian pizza today Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature"

"What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?! Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad."

"Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery? Because they're always Li-ion!"

"Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car? So he always hits the green when he's driving."

"I masturbated so good last night, when I woke up, my dick was making breakfast."

"I'd make an Apple joke... But they'd probably remove it."

"What was Sisyphus's favourite type of music? Rock 'n' Roll"

"I like to leave odd yelp reviews for fast food restaurants that say things like, ""Not overly racist."""

"Rams>Cowboys Coincidence ?"