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Joke of the Day

"A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?"

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

"What do you call a blind deer? No Idea. (Hopefully you will get it, repeat twice if you have to) Edit: In case you don't get it, its No Eye Deer. [No Idea]"

"I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, ""It's not your fault."""

"Is it ""lying in a puddle of blood"" or ""laying in a puddle of blood?"" Lol who knows, but yeah seriously, send an ambulance right away."

"Defending why he has a dislike of gay guys... Ok look I know they're not all bad but you have to admit they hang around a lot of assholes."

"I did a theatrical performance about puns.. Really it was just a play on words."

"What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces? Guacamole."

"Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? He's all right, now. In fact, he's fully recovered."

"I spend an awful lot of time picking the most desirable potato chips out of the bag for someone who's going to eat them all anyway."