168256

Joke of the Day

"Is it ""lying in a puddle of blood"" or ""laying in a puddle of blood?"" Lol who knows, but yeah seriously, send an ambulance right away."

"What do you call a possessed chicken? Poultrygeist."

"Dear Cereal Makers, Exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinets shelves are?"

"How will Hillary Clinton keep the economy up? She won't, a secretary will."

"You know those giant sunflowers? The really tall ones? With the big, brown center? I killed my grandparents. And the yellow petals?"

"My teen yelled at me for not waking her up for school. She's in the shower & I'm wondering when she realizes it's Sunday. This is beautiful."

"[Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I'm dying]: ""Oh, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it."""

"Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob."

"What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses ""Dancing With the Stars""? ""I was robbed"" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself."

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew the light bulb."