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Joke of the Day

"PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little. KID: Okay. PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust."

"*wins oscar I'd like to thank my legs,for always supporting me;my arms,who are always by my side& also my fingers,I can always count on them"

"What did the cookie say to the cracker? You feeling salty bro?"

"Damn that lawnmower.... No matter how much I like a film, I can only give it one thumb up."

"[god creating kangaroos] Let's make a horse rabbit."

"What do you call a Psychic Compromise? A Happy Medium. Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing."

"baby i put the STD in stud now all i need is u"

"What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend? Homeless"

"Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we're regretting that decision."

"What's a capitalist's favourite dessert? PROFITeroles. Bad, I know."