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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Psychic Compromise? A Happy Medium. Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing."

"I love conversations about palindromes You can always have a good back and forth."

"A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar. Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?"

"A doctor goes to write a prescription... He reaches into his pocket to take out his pen, but finds a rectal thermometer instead. Annoyed, he complains, ""Some asshole stole my pen!"""

"I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on? Me: Soccer Grandfather: Who's playing? Me: Austria-Hungary Grandfather:And Against who?"

"Hey, teenage girls, don't get pregnant. Unless you want your own TV show."

"Hey, I lost my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?"

"Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? They're always eating out."

"Just watched two of my kids try and fail to open a cereal box so I've concluded that playing Mozart during pregnancy is bullshit."

"Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any children? Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.."