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Joke of the Day

"If there'd been a mix up my uncle could have been President of the United States He was an army undertaker, also known as a 'barrack embalmer' \- Milton Jones"

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"How convenient, I can cook this lasagna in the microwave in 30 seconds, or in my oven in 4 days."
"Saying ""guns don't kill people, bullets do"" is like saying ""I haven't raped anyone, but my dick has."""
"In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am."
"A man was about to jump off a cliff... ...and before he jumped he said, ""I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"" I think he took a leap of faith."
"Donald Trump walks into a Mexican Bar."
"Why are the developers of NoMansSky called Hellogames? Because you never get a goodbuy from them"
"What is a parrot? A wordy birdy!"
"I think ""Don't Kid Yourself"" would be a great brand name for birth control pills."
"What do you call a Nazi turkey? Joseph Gobbles."