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Joke of the Day
"I just waited on hold 47 minutes for a tech that sounds like he learned English from a Furby."
Next Joke
"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"
"I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!"
"I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper."
"A guy ate part of his own arm while tripping on acid. After he found out what he'd done, he shit himself."
"Doctor: ""Hey, how are you?"" Patient: ""I am good"" Doctor: ""Ok. Next."""
"i'm gonna build my house on your house and if you even come close to my house that's attached to your house, we'll attack you.. - bees"
"What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce? A seizure salad."
"I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you."
"Girls think shrinkage is funny but I just think they're jealous, because the same principal does not apply to them."