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Joke of the Day

"""Sit"" dog sits ""Down"" dog lays down on floor ""Play Dead"" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids"

"Do you know how our planet got it's name? Cause if you do, please tellus"

"What type of car did Yoda eat? A BMW i8"

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... it doesn't last as long for fat people."

"What do you call an Native American slut that gives directions. A Navajo. I'll leave now."

"What do you call a pest from the moon? A luna-tick."

"I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!"

"""Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan,"" says my accountant while rubbing his temples."

"There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house"

"Why can't you bring valve oil to the airport? Because its a band substance"