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Joke of the Day

"Me: I need to sleep Ambien: do worms have buttholes? You should text your boss"

"I just held the door open for an Asian guy. He said, ""Sank you,"" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"To everyone who ever doubted me, all I have to say to you is...lucky guess."

"Why does Poland stay from Germany? a couple decades ago they had a three way with Russia that ended poorly"

"Why did the ebo(l)la patient yell? Someone spilled wine (bolla) on his ELECTRONIC. (E)phones."

"Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass afterdrinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made ofhimself."

"Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout."

"Whats a cannibals favorite game? Swallow the leader."

"I just did my own taxes for the first time and I'm glad I did because I'm getting 8 million dollars back this year!"

"Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'"