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Joke of the Day

"Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren't worth it."

Next Joke
 
"Since Fall Out Boy broke up I want to start a female group called Fall Down Girl. There's no singing, we just get wasted and fall down a lot"
"I no longer see my wife and kids because of gambling. I won a shitload of money and moved to Spain."
"Escalator Literature. a step by step guide to reaching new levels"
"Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants"
"Are we dangerous? ""Yes"" replied mother earth."
"Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth."
"My favorite new song is either that one from the Samsung commercial, or the one from the Budweiser commercial."
"I didn't get the joke about the hot air balloon. I think it was over my head."
"Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate"