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Joke of the Day

"Trying to make pancakes this morning and it turns out I didn't get the spatula in the divorce."

"""You'll never see him coming!"" - Quote by Stevie Wonder"

"Why did the local university invite a foreign chemist? Florine talent."

"My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to ""work her core."" I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win."

"All my life, I never thought I'd wake up at 6am to go jogging...and I was right."

"I see subway employees are still having their ""how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich"" contest."

"My boss got hit by a car while I was on my way to the wishing well so yes, I do have some spare change."

"I just became a Catholic recently... I still don't understand why we have to keep sitting down, standing up and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me!"

"Why was the lizard's wife unsatisfied? Her hubby had a reptile dysfunction."

"I remember when ""Something's eating up data."" meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled."