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Joke of the Day

"I came home to find my best friend fucking my girlfriend Bad dog, you know you're not allowed on the furniture."

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key."

"That kid didn't really find a lost Mayan city. The sites that promoted the story? I guess they'll issue a... Maya culpa."

"What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle? Alien vs Predator."

"Found in a bar in Charleston... What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. * rim shot *"

"My all-time favorite one liner NSFW Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush."

"I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home."

"I got fired from the calendar factory... just for taking a couple of days off"

"Not all fat people are jolly Some of them are women"