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Joke of the Day

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"Sh*t happens all the time , just flush and move on."

"We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

"Tried to pick up a woman at a cremation once. Got my fingers burnt."

"To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office... I will find you. You have my Word."

"""This is embarrassing, but would you believe we actually met offline?"" - married couples in 5 years"

"What do you call a Latina with varicose veins? Vein-a-swellin'."

"4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed... 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects..."

"I finally found out how Asians have an upper hand in video games! Squint your eyes. You see much better, right? Well Asians eyes are always squinted!"

"What do you call someone who supports Hillary? Paid off."