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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if someone is Puerto Rican? They tell you."

"BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. ""Hitler's haircut is literally the worst,"" she writes. ""Also he's mean."""

"person: can you keep a secret? me: I'll never share what you say but it will weigh on me and negatively affect my life person: oh thank god"

"Why did the baker have smelly hands? ...because he kneaded a poo."

"5 years ago today I asked the girl of my dreams to go out with me. Today, I asked her to get married... She said no both times. ;("

"ME: Um, I specifically requested Mary. BLOODY CARLA: Listen, do you want your eyes clawed out or not?"

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."

"How often do I see alligators? Ocajunally"

"What do politicians and sperm have in common? About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human."

"Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle."