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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife if it was still necessary to get her a card for valentines day even after 5 years of marriage. She said yes and the only card she wanted was VISA."

"BREAKING: Emotionally disturbed man gets into Trump Tower. He was stopped by security, but not before being named a senior advisor."

"I prevented a rape today I gave my consent."

"i am not jesus Jesus can wallk on water..,, correct? Yess! Well,.. I can walk on cucumbers. As you may know, cucumbers are 98% water. So I am 98% Jesus. ;)"

"I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother."

"Just got a great deal on some bottled water. The store was having a liquidation sale."

"What did the Urologist tell his newly accepted resident? Urine."

"A small boy swallowed some coins... A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his mother asked how he was doing, the doctor said, ""No change yet."""

"Mother tells her computer geek son, ""Go get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."" So he goes, and returns with 6 cartons of milk."

"Nickelback walks into a bar...there's no punch line because ruining music isn't funny."