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Joke of the Day

"Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."""

"The New England Patriots deflate balls to win a game... and get punished with a low pressure system."

"What's better than roses on my piano? Tulips on my organ!"

"I love pteradons They're my favorite dinosoars."

"Before you go to sleep tonight, don't forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters."

"GOOD COP: He won't talk except in sign language BAD COP: I just cut off his left hand BAD PUN COP: He still has the right to remain silent"

"I went to see a gay magician's show last night. For his last trick, he disappeared with a poof..."

"I always used to think my parents are like siblings' sounds so much better than, my parents are, like, siblings.'"

"Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall"

"Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type ""that one guy in that movie I didn't like."""