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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head."

"I feel so off the grid. I watched the Grampas instead of the Grammys last night."

"Two medical students are about to witness an autopsy for the first time... One asks the other, ""What do you think it'll be like?"" The other student shrugs and says, ""Remains to be seen""."

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"[first day as Tour Guide in History Museum] ""And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."""

"Anyone know a good lawyer? (Question sponsored by Al Tebehalah's Discount Lobotomies)"

"Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You're old, that's going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT."

"My computer's RAM isn't that great... ...but it still has faster processing than the DMV."

"Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches"

"The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me.."