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Joke of the Day

"Social Life Status: My friends are balloons with faces drawn on them. Stuart. My best friend. Popped two days ago."

"You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list."

"Telling your date that she reminds you of your ex is a bit like farting after a curry. It's risky and is probably not best done during a blowjob."

"What's the difference between a dilapidated, run down bus stop and a big breasted lobster? One's a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean."

"Sometimes when I talk to people I start pointing at crouches. (Point)"

"I saw a dog taking a dump and I totally thought of you."

"Did you hear about the new LSU Visa card coming out? You get Les Miles and zero points"

"I had an Ethiopian blend of coffee this morning... It didn't taste very rich."

"9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%."

"How do you make a racing snail faster? I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish."