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Joke of the Day

"My phone froze while looking at porn at work. The 4k quality is just too much of a load."

"home is where the pants aren't"

"If I was Jennifer Lawrence, I'd see which laws I could ignore. Start with going behind the counter at Starbucks, work my way up to murder."

"The Soviet Union won't ever rise again? What a bunch of Bolshevik."

"I enjoy April Fool's Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with ""no wonder you've been looking chubby""."

"How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE"

"Blind jokes? didn't see that coming.."

"Was at a party the other day, there was a guitar there. I picked it up and someone asked if I could play wonderwall I said maybe"

"""Full bath?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Double beds?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Pool?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Maid service?"" ""Yes sir"" ""WIFI?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Kids, I found a campsite!"""

"Well well well... looks like someone put on some weight again. ~ my pants right now"