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Joke of the Day

"Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it."

"[throws wine bottle into vineyard] ""Go, be with your family."""

"I stole a wolf pup from a rundown wildlife refuge. Turns out it was just a Shih Tzu."

"how is my dick like a diamond? its the hardest substance on earth, it can't be crushed, and every girl dreams of having it."

"I started a merkabah business. It really took off."

"A roman centurion walked into a bar, raised his hand and signed the waiter to get him 2 martini. The waiter gave him 5 instead."

"The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone."

"There was a convention for lazy-eyed bachelors and bachelorettes. There was a massive turn out: Most of them ended with a perfect mate.... You could say that their eyes crossed in a crowded room."

"What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader."

"Where can you find best mother fuckers? In league of legends ~silver elo"