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Joke of the Day

"My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell 'em: ""You're gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates""..... whatever!!"

"My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop using Monkee's song references. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face..."

"The first rule of Thesaurus Club is... .... you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club"

"I just don't understand how moats ever went out of style."

"Racist: What's black and white and unemployed? Just kidding about the white part."

"What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen? Just don't monkey with him."

"If you aren't sure if you like someone, here's a test: imagine they're dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?"

"Scientists have found the number one cause of pedophilia. Sexy children."

"Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30? Credit to Bo Burnham."

"You know why I like Peter Pan? He never lands. (I like this joke cause it never gets old)"