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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wanted to have sex like in the movies.. ..so I fucked her in the arse and came on her face and in her hair. I guess we don't watch the same movies."

"Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt Wake up with stinky fingers. Just remembered this from when I was 13"

"What did Noah do with all the poop? Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here: http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/240xyy/brilliant_neil_degrasse_tyson_quote/ch2kcxl"

"I just got an iPhone 7S for my wife I thought that was a good trade"

"My grandfather's last words.. My Grandfather said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute ? I don't cum when the onion cries and begs for mercy as I cut it up."

"Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot."

"Why did they let the chicken join the band? Because he brought his own drumsticks"

"I was dating a midget but I had to break up with her. She never really grew on me."

"""No. Delete it."" -Mona Lisa"