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Joke of the Day

"ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY ""BEE URSELF"" OR ""BE"

"I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn."

"Gf: am I pretty or ugly? Bf: you're both hun :) Gf: what do you mean both? Bf: you're pretty ugly."

"Why did the duck cross the basketball court? He heard the referees were blowing fouls... -Jim Norton"

"Girl finds out that she's pregnant... And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; ""Have you had a check-up?"" Girl says; ""No, he was Polish"""

"I hate how guys with tiny penises try to overcompensate with flashy cars. You're not fooling anyone, ambulance drivers!!"

"What's black on the outside but yellow on the inside? Ninja chicken."

"Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground? Well well well....."

"A Cheerio just fell out of my bra, and suddenly I realize food gets more action than I do."

"I bought zombie insurance recently it was a no brainer"