171989
Joke of the Day
"A Cheerio just fell out of my bra, and suddenly I realize food gets more action than I do."
Next Joke
"I went to a baby shower I was torn between a vacuum or a coat hanger as a gift"
"I'm most productive at work when I'm in the bathroom. It's where I get shit done."
"15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!"
"People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars."
"I went to the doctor and told him I thought I might be a kleptomaniac. He said, ""Here, take these pills."" So I took them."
"What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? ""Put it on my bill."""
"Waiting for the day when parents finally admit that their kid is in fact ugly instead of thinking they have the most beautiful kid ever."
"A Man Goes In For His Annual Check-Up With The Doctor The doctor tells him, ""You need to stop masturbating"" The Man Asks ""Why"" The Doctor Replies, ""Because I'm trying to examine you"""
"Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd"