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Joke of the Day

"concerned about people posting false lunches. lying about the food they ate on here. fraud meals. please start putting the receipts up"

"When cats are sad... Bartender: ""What can I get you?"" Cat: ""Shot of tequilla."" *Bartender pours it.* *Cat slowly pushes it off the bar.* Cat: ""I'll have another."""

"Why won't Hillary ever pull out? She's never finished screwing people."

"What is the advantage that Mexican workers have over everyone else? Their ""Senor""ity!"

"What do the Police, the NFL and Black Lives Matter all have in common? They all have the same PR guy."

"2019: Tumblr blinks offline, satisfied, having completed its mission of collecting all existing TV and film footage as GIF files."

"My pubic hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months. I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away."

"""Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"" ""Ask your sister!"" ""I don't have a si- Oh."""

"Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was ""reduced fat"" so basically it was like going to the gym."

"How is giving oral sex similar to smoking a cigarette? The flavor gets stronger the closer you get to the butt."