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Joke of the Day

"*reads your mind* *decides to wait for the movie*"

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"Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain... You were waiting for the punchline but it never came."
"What do you do if your girlfriend is choking ? Back up a few inches"
"What do you call a cross between Communism and Theocracy? Communionism"
"Don't fall for it black people, white people only invite us to go camping to see how long we stay alive."
"When a coworker says ""This is all Greek to me"", I always assume they want me to punch them right in their throatopolis."
"PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*"
"Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head. -- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis."
"What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds"
"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present."