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Joke of the Day

"So, Schrodinger walks into a vet with his cat. The nurse takes the cat, goes into the room, and comes out 10 minutes later. ""Sir, we have good news and bad news."""

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his neck."

"Outspoken masochists. They're asking for a beating."

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more flirtatious... So I said, ""I want to make you the 'U' in 'TIFU'"""

"Because I'm such a Portal 2 fan, I created my own levels. Sadly, none of the ""volunteers"" have made it out alive and their families are starting to ask questions."

"What do guns and millennials have in common? You need to keep them in a safe space if you don't want them triggered."

"Chinese girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"You know what really makes my day? The rotation of the earth"

"Why do the French not pronounce ""h"" at the beginning of words? *with a French accent* Because they hate it."