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Joke of the Day

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."

"What do you call a bear that will fuck anything? Bi Polar"

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar The bartender asked, ""why the long face?"""

"If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?"

"What do you call a pessimistic clone? A repli-can't!"

"The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then."

"How many trains have I derailed in all my years as a train driver? It's hard to keep track."

"5: Daddy, can we go get ice cream? Me: I don't see why not. 5: Mommy said I couldn't. M: Hey, there's the why not."

"How many dwarves does it take to paint a room red? It depends how hard you throw then against the wall."

"Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want."