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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?"

"My girlfriend's been trying to help me with my finances. I think I'd be better off a loan."

"Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it."

"What is hot and makes me hard? Being covered in lava."

"""Yo dog, this yogurt is mad delicious."" -Me, eating yogurt, and talking to my dog. I'm gonna die alone aren't I?"

"Life is a lot like a Penis.. Simple,soft,straight,relaxed and hanging freely..then a woman makes it hard...!!!"

"Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday"

"Wanna hear a pun about a sausage? It's the Wurst."

"What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time? Getting all high and mighty"

"Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead? Because it was irony."