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Joke of the Day

"Remember ladies: when a guy says ""I'm listening"" what he means is ""I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd of been unstoppable""."

"a misunderstanding teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence? little johnny: my sister has ten buttons on her shirt but she can only fasten eight"

"The outer-space toilet was truly revolutionary... ... Now men are able to go where no man has gone before."

"One hard thing to explain to people under 20 is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector."

"What type of melon would Romeo and Juliet have been? Cantaloupe."

"Have you guys heard about the new internet milk? It's for cereal."

"He'd make the best firefighter. My friend is the absolute worst at snappy comebacks I guess you could say he's flame retardant."

"I like my women like I like my beef Slaughtered and then wrapped in plastic with an expiration date stamped on"

"I want to grow my own food but I can't seem to find any bacon seeds anywhere."

"The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother."