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Joke of the Day

"Dumb Joke David: Jim, you've got to be the dumbest son of a bitch I've ever met Jim: Really? I think that's a hyperbola"

"Which tax haven is a daddy? The Cayman Islands"

"Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops."

"Eating Halloween candy and ignoring the doorbell. A little game I like to call fuck you I paid for it."

"Damn Pedophiles... Back at it again with the white vans"

"Whats green and flys through the air? Super Pickle"

"Autocorrect changed 'get a life' to 'get a wife' and now my daughter is a lesbian."

"*makes sure kids are asleep* *walks out to car* *slowly unwraps candy bar* *hears knock on window* *puts head down* *hands it to them*"

"Ever hear the joke about the baby with aids? Aww, man. It *never* gets old."

"At Toys R Us: TRU: Yessir? Me: I want a light saber. TRU: We have basic to advanced, how old is your grandson? Me: 40ish"