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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a David Bowie tribute band made up of astro-arachnologists? The Spiders from Mars :("

"I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes."

"I hate when I catch a bouquet at a wedding and everyone judges me for lighting it on fire."

"I forget what I used to do with my arms before I got my iPhone. Did I hang them down by my side? Straight above my head? I really forget."

"Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode."

"Me: How are you? Coworker: I can't complain. Me: *sticks finger in his coffee* Coworker: I just paid for that! Me: I knew you were lying."

"What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic"

"What is round and looks like a stone. A stone."

"What's green with little red wheels? Grass. I was lying about the little red wheels. Missing my grandpa today. This was always his favorite."

" Cat and tree a"