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Joke of the Day

"I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes."

"Hitler is judged very harshly by history, but... He did kill Hitler. Joke credit to Jimmy Carr on QI"

"So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when... Superman walks up and is all like, ""hey motherfucker, what the fuck?"" Sorry, it's Halloween. ;)"

"Why is pound cake called pound cake? Because it pounds your anus!"

"How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest? By tree mail!"

"If the house is in the kitchen, and Diana's in the kitchen, what's in Diana? A state (Indiana)"

"I wish my name was Grudge. This way my wife would hold on to me forever."

"Is it okay to marry your second cousin? [xpost from /r/dadjokes] Sure, as long as you're legally divorced from the first one."

"A beaver ran into his ex. ""Sorry,"" he said, ""I wood like to catch up but I'm dam sure I can't bite off more time."""

"I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work."