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Joke of the Day

"The United States has fallen into disrepair, due to a great catastrophe... ...they say it was called: ""The 2016 Presidential Election Season"""

"I received an envelope full of semen today The mail came"

"Why did peasants hate knights' outfits? Because everyone hates chain mail."

"I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books."

"Home Alone is my favorite movie about the inevitable homicidal tendencies that come from prolonged neglect."

"Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them"

"Felix went to the moon, took 5 photos. She went to the bathroom, took 37 photos."

"""I can't feel my legs"" --mermaids"

"My friend called me a pussy the other day. I told him ""You know what the say, you are what you eat."" Ayyyy"

"I married an amputee last week She single handedly changed my life"