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Joke of the Day

"A 90 year old man used to tell me this same joke every time I saw him. I went to the Dr. today. He said he needed blood, semen, and fecal samples....So I gave him my underwear and walked out."

"I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""Orange."" ""Orange who?"" Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" ""Orange."" ""Orange who?"" Knock knock. ""WHO'S THERE?"" ""The president."" ""Well, why didn't you just say so?"" ""I did."""

"""It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see,"" I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library"

"What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says ribbit ribbit the other one says rub-it rub-it!"

"At a job interview ""What are your strengths?"" ""I'm an optimist and a positive thinker"" ""Can you give me an example?"" ""Yes, when do I start?"""

"What did the hooker say to the blind man? ""Come here"""

"You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?"

"Did you hear about the support group for people who talk too much? It's On & On Anon."

"""Don't make me regret this."" -things I think when accepting a friend request."