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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who accidentally washed his wallet? He was arrested for money laundering"

"Dance like nobody's watching you. 'Cause they're not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~"

"""C'mon, your relationship isn't *that* serious."" - Las Vegas"

"Since the presidential race has literally a dick measuring contest... who would win the election if the election is decided by dick measurements? Hillary Clinton of course!"

"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."

"What was the best part of being a blind smallpox inoculator in the 18th century? The great stories you get to read everyday."

"7: I need a pet pig so I can always have bacon. Me: There are some fundamental flaws in your plan but I like the way you think."

"What's the best thing about picking up a homeless chick? It doesn't matter where you drop them off."

"When you neutralize an acidic solution in a titration, what do you do? Drop the base."

"Why did the chickens cross the road? Because they were Turkish."