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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat? She can use your wifes clothes"

"I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season... So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan."

"did you hear about the kid who read a book about anti gravity? He just couldn't **put it down!**"

"If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. ""I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."""

"I show people I love them by not spending time with them. It's the best thing I can offer."

"Cashier: do you need bags? Me: do any of us NEED anything? Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too Me: plastic please"

"When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say ""Excuse my French"" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand"

"I'm gonna rock and roll til 9pm and only party on weekends"

"A bear walks into a bar Bartender: "" What will you have sir?"" Bear: ""Gin............ and tonic."" Bartender: ""Why the big pause?"" Bear: ""I dont know my dad had them too."""

"The importance of commas ""Let's eat, grandpa!"" said the incestuous cannibal"