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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season... So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan."

"Sorry neighbor who's choking to death, my cat's resting his little head on my leg. This, like, never happens."

"My 95 year old grandpa was prescribed viagra... To stop him pissing on his slippers and rolling out of bed."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it."

"OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING"

"Why don't they have werewolves in Asia? They get eaten."

"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: ""Why the long face ?"""

"""Damnit!"" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps."

"What do you call a chronic masturbaiter in Turkey? A jerkin Turkin"

"If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is."