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Joke of the Day

"A bear walks into a bar Bartender: "" What will you have sir?"" Bear: ""Gin............ and tonic."" Bartender: ""Why the big pause?"" Bear: ""I dont know my dad had them too."""

"HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: ... ME: I assume we need to talk longer now."

"He who goes to sleep face down... Crack up."

"I'm shaking what my momma gave me. It's the most darling snowglobe I've ever seen. LOOK AT IT."

"When I was molested at age 7 it was horrible. It must have been his first time or something."

"Difference between a 14 year old girl and a Volvo? I don't have a Volvo BOUND AND GAGGED IN MY BASEMENT"

"Do you like cats? Me too. But I can never finish one by myself"

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies, and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"It only took three years but I finally finished eating that box of taquitos from Costco."

"My favorite poem Roses are red Violets are blue I hope I don't Impregnate you"