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Joke of the Day

"Anyone have a lot of unused pregnancy tests? Hate to see all this pee go to waste."

"*speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info."

"I saw a van covered in dirt... I saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written ""I wish my wife was as dirty as this van"". I wrote ""she is-when you're at work!"""

"Apparently one in three people cheat. I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend."

"Why do lesbians have cats? They're into pussies.(;"

"Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice... Call her fat once and she will never forget. That's because elephants never forget."

"How do you make Holy Water? You boil the Hell out of it."

"Alcohol is never the answer...... Unless the question is, ""What is C2H5OH?"""

"My two year-old has begun shouting ""The end!"" in a sing-song voice when he wants you to stop talking to him. Going to try this myself."

"Did you hear about the font wanted for murder? Apparently the reward is worth your weight in bold."