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Joke of the Day

"Showerthoughts has a rule against puns so here we are. Promiscuous women in 1984 were guilty of thot crimes."

"Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest. ^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat"

"I hope Hilary gets elected. So taxpayers can save 23% on paying the presidential salary."

"[speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year."

"Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone's is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside"

"What do Driving Testers and Vegetarians have in common? They are both very pedantic"

"Every single person on a reality TV series is the kind of person you don't want to sit next to in a restaurant."

"I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid"

"Never trust someone who says you're more important than cheese. It's an obvious lie."