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Joke of the Day

"Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone's is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside"

"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double-entendre... so he gave it to her."

"What's your best Michael Jackson is dead joke?"

"I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."

"Why did the poor dog chase his tail? Because he was trying to make both ends meet."

"Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades."

"What do you call a naked blond standing on her hands? A brunette with bad breath."

"I didn't let my st-st-stutter stop me from achieving my dream career I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell ""No Soliciting"" signs. The more I st-st-stutter the more I seem to sell."

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because he found it soda pressing."

"My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want"