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Joke of the Day

"I was told that Microwaves were invisible But I can see mine on my counter. Is mine broken?"

"Stand in a crowd, put your finger to your ear secret agent style, say out loud ""target is in site!"", see who panics."

"I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. 'Dad, that's the first time' 'That's a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.' So I robbed a bank"

"How did the detective know the Necrophile Killer was a hipster? He fucked his victims before they were cool."

"I was just sentenced to Prison for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 20 years."

"What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with? Legolas"

"How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick."

"Why don't Muslims use contractions of words? Because in Islam, the penalty for apostrophe is death."

"4-way car crash reported in Mexico City. 86 confirmed dead."

"I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in five years time... It makes me think of a time I won't be able to repost this fucking joke. Fuck 20/20 vision."