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Joke of the Day

"What is the best thing about liquid soap? It takes longer to pick up."

"Yeah, if Albert Einstein is so smart then why is he dead?"

"If I got a dime every time I exaggerated... I'd have a jillion, gazillion bucks!"

"My mate Dave has changed a lot since his time in prison For a start he's not half as tight as he used to be."

"When a guy tries to talk to me while at a urinal I instantly slide over and start pissing in his urinal too. See how friendly he really is"

"What's the difference between a homeless man and a trash can? One of them gets taken in every once in a while."

"ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining? [A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]"

"When someone says ""surprise me"", I immediately drop my pants and start singing its raining men."

"Void? Y E S F R I E N D Why are you laughing? A J O K E Tell me? W H Y D I D T H E M A N D I E A L O N E I don't get it Y O U W I L L"

"Q: Why should you never run in front of a bus? A: You will get tired."