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Joke of the Day

"GF looking at lines in carpet: Aww, you vacuumed for me? Me: *flashback to me rollerblading in the living room* Sure did, babe."

"Why is Oklahoma so windy? Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows"

"Men can I ask whats up with your all-in-one shampoo/conditioner/body wash/insect repellent/motor oil/mouth wash/sun block/laundry detergent"

"Country music is like a vacuum. . . As soon as you turn it off it stops sucking."

"knock knock joke knock knock. Who's there? Barbie. Barbie who? BBQ chicken"

"Why did they build a shrine to karl marx in Japan? Because he was a kami!"

"Women are like Hurricanes They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH"

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aleta ! Aleta who ? Aleta from the tax man !"

"Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that's some kind of record."